


when the world was mine

by rangerdanger985



Series: the demon of hell de crisco. its a thing. [4]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), M/M, Sad, Songfic, always forget that one, hes here in spirit though, it is a part of the story, no crowley/crawly doesnt show up here, so im tagging the star, yes another songfic, yes im still not over this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23641171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerdanger985/pseuds/rangerdanger985
Summary: Being the guardian of the eastern gate was a simple task, a boring job if you would, given that nothing existed outside of the wall of the garden aside from miles dusty sand,no life,no water.Nothing to try and get in and just the same nothing tried to get out and so Aziraphale found himself falling victim to introspective thoughts.aka I am still not over this.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Raphael (Good Omens)
Series: the demon of hell de crisco. its a thing. [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635310
Kudos: 11





	when the world was mine

**Author's Note:**

> I rewrote this three times and am now tired of looking at it, I might come in later and edit a few things but for now, I am calling this done!
> 
> Leave a kudo and a comment if you like or if you just want to tell me what you think.
> 
> or just want to tell me to stop watching musicals and update my other stuff! I really should get to work on that.....
> 
> Enjoy!  
> RD

Being the guardian of the eastern gate was a simple task, a boring job if you would given that nothing existed outside of the wall of the garden aside from miles dusty sand, not life, no water. Nothing to try and get in and just the same nothing tried to get out and so Aziraphale found himself victim to introspective thoughts.

“How far” he questioned, staring out at the barren land “have I fallen?” a wind pushed passed him, causing his robes to billow around him until he turned to instead look into the garden staring as the trees and thinking on how his lover would have enjoyed the garden “How long, till it's over days” he rose his gaze to the slowly darkening sky “All shuffle past my door.” He adjusted his wings to wrap around himself as he lowered himself to sit on the edge of the wall “Much like the day before”

Nothing ever changed in the garden, the animals existed, the humans did whatever they did with their new life, exploring with a curiosity that hurt Aziraphale's chest “Gone now, my tomorrow.” The fall flashed through his mind, making him flinch and lower his head “So fast, my tomorrows gone”

He shoved to his feet and started walking along the wall “the world I left behind, lives only in my mind” he folded his arms and turned his face to watch the sun, it always came up on his side of the wall but the great ball of fire felt so cold “The golden sun was warmer then” he didn’t know who he was talking to, himself, the stars just barely beginning to twinkle on the horizon.

Maybe he was pretending that Raphael was still there and such could still hear him “and night would fall much softer then” every night now felt like a physical blow, the stars he could never hide from glimmering and shoving painful and blurry memories to the front of his mind

“My heart and I remember when the path would rise” he spread his wings and stepped off of the wall, drifting down to the ground “To bluer skies” he slowly walked into the forest, hearing the distant sounds of animals falling into their night's routines, falling into their burrows and beds, hiding from the now quickly approaching night sky “Above the moon, a star would shine” he looked at the darkening sky above through the gaps of the branches “to homeward guild him to me”

He felt his heart throbbing in his chest, a useless action given that he didn’t even need a heart to begin with and he squeezed his eyes shut as he exited the trees, coming to kneel at the edge of a body of water, the sound of the waterfall a distance away was soothing but only a bit as he looked into the water.

He regretted it as the reflection in the water wasn’t his own, it was what he remembered of Raphael, glimmering eyes and flowing hair, surrounded by starlight and huge wings “With kisses sweet as summer wine” the reflection grinned at him and he felt the phantom of a touch on his face

“Back when the world was mine!” he struck the reflection in the water and turned away before it could reform, tears gathering in his eyes as he moved back to the tree line, leaning against the nearest tree as grief rose in his chest and choked him.

_Nights of shimmering sensations._

He was supposed to be strong, he had promised to be strong, but he was so weak, he had allowed Gabriel to erase all but the most stubborn of memories, the physical memories of dancing in the starlight, the feel of their lips touching and holding tightly to each other in the long nights.

_Days of easy carefree smiles._

The first sunlit day flying through the sky and enjoying the warmth the sun put out, grinning at each other as they raced through the skies and sat upon the clouds.

_Dreams and quiet conversations_

The bitter and painful memory of laying upon the softest cloud, wrapped in Raphael’s arms and covered by his massive wings, not sleeping but imagining and sharing ideas as to what the future world would be like, what the humans would look like.

“I close my eyes and see for miles!” he said, shoving away from the tree as the memories crowded forward, filling his head and hurting his soul “the world was so much younger then” he lamented to the ghost that haunted his steps “and burned with hearts on fire”

He spread his wings the moment he had room and flew into the sky souring into the deepening darkness and the burning stars “These memories return again!” he said as he flew above the walls and the eyes of all but the lord herself “like gathered embers” he spoke to the stars before he spotted their star, glimmering so distantly but at the presence of one of its creators it flared to life stronger than before, making trails of light shimmer across the sky to surround him.

“So love remembers,” he said as the light and warmth of the star surrounded him “back when the world was mine” the star hadn’t forgotten Raphael, it still knew those who had given it life and purpose even if Aziraphale had forgotten.

This knowledge was a cold comfort but a comfort none the less and it eased the ache in Aziraphale's chest, allowing him to drift back to the garden, falling to his knees upon the wall and pulling his wings close around himself, hiding from prying eyes and from the night sky.

Pulling in its light, that little star glimmered in dismay before falling back to its usual glow and waiting.

It prayed in the way stars could pray that this pain would leave its father soon.

How long could even an angel last with such despair.

The star was afraid.


End file.
